Neo Zen Dinamico
... a vision of the true human potential is becoming reality ...
Neo Zen Dinamico
... a vision of the true human potential is becoming reality ...
T h e P a g e o f t h e L a u g h i n g B u d d h a
When laughter comes out of thinking it is ugly; it belongs to this ordinary, mundane world, it is not cosmic. Then you are laughing at somebody else, at somebody else’s cost, and it is ugly and violent. When laughter comes out of silence you are not laughing at anybody’s cost, you are simply laughing at the whole cosmic joke. And it really is a joke! That’s why I go on telling jokes to you…
Osho
Zen Jokes:
A Zen master has a hotdog.
So the Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says: "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master. The hot dog vendor responds:
"Change must come from within."
Q: What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
A: M.T. Ness
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.
Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.
Q: How do I become a Lama?
A: Go to a monastic university and study for twenty-five years. Begin by memorizing Vasubandhu's Abhidharmakosha with its commentary (500 pages or so). Then study what you have memorised by hearing lectures on it and debating the contents with other candidates until you can argue every side of every controversy equally well. Then memorise several works of Nagarjuna, along with their commentaries. Then memorise the seven treatises of Dharmakirti. In additional to that study, you must master several forms of meditation and study tantric rituals for about two or three years.
Alternatively, you can come to America and just call yourself a lama. Billions of nubile virgins will follow you everywhere and give you money.
Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow?
A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear.
WOMEN & MEN:
Q: Are computers male or female?
A1: Five Reasons to Believe Computers Are Male: 1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 2. A better models right around the corner. 3. They look attractive - until you take them home. 4. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night. 5. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
A2: Five Reasons to Believe Computers Are Female: 1. No one but their
creator understands their internal logic. 2. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory. 3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else. 4. The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know what is wrong, then I'm not going to tell you." 5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Forever Young . . .Old man Chester Cheese, aged 85, went to the sperm bank to make a deposit. The young woman at the reception was sceptical. "Are you sure that you want to do this?" she asked.
"Yes," said old Chester, "I feel it is my duty to give something from myself to the world."
The woman gave him a jar and directed him to a room down the hall. When thirty minutes had passed and he did not return, the girl began to worry that he might have had a heart attack.. But just then the old man came out of the room and approached the woman.
"Listen," he said, "I tried it with one hand, then I tried it with two hands, then I got it up and hit it on the sink, then I ran warm water on it, then cold water over it... and I still can't get the lid of the jar open!"
This very body the Buddha :
One night, after their owner is asleep, the parts of the body are arguing about which has the toughest job. “I’ve really got it tough,” moan the feet. “He puts me in these smelly sneakers, makes me jog until I have blisters... it’s awful!”
“You’ve got no reason to complain,” says the stomach. “Just last night, I got nothing but beer, spaghetti and aspirin. It’s a miracle I kept it together.”
“Ah, quit bitching, you two,” moans the prick. “Every night he sticks me up a dark tunnel and makes me do push-ups until I throw up!”
tHE 'SMALL' DIFFERENCE BETWEEN W O M E N & M E N:
How to impress a woman:
compliment her
respect her
honour her
cuddle her
kiss her, stroke her
love her, caress her
tease her
comfort her
protect her
hug her, hold her
spend money on her
wine and dine her
buy things for her
listen to her
care for her
support her
go to the end of the world for her !
How to impress a man: offer a beer
show up naked
bring food ...!?!
Willie Weary, a middle-aged businessman, stumbles in to see Doctor Nutcase in his Hollywood surgery, “Doc, I have got this problem.” confides Willie Weary. “You see, my secretary, Millie, loves to make love. Every morning, when I get to work, instead of bringing me a cup of coffee, she throws me across my desk and makes passionate love to me! Then, just before lunch, she pushes me up against the filing cabinet for a quickie. And before I leave work at the end of the day, she always gives me a farewell screw.”
“Hmmm!” says Doctor Nutcase. “So what seems to be the problem?”
“Well, you see, Doc,” explains Willie Weary, “my wife, Dottie, is a nymphomaniac. Every morning before I get up, she jumps on me and we screw until the alarm clock goes off. Then, when I go home for lunch each day, we have a quick one while I am eating my spaghetti. And then, each night we have a marathon session before we go to sleep!”
“Hmmm!” says Doctor Nutcase. “I still don't see what your problem is!”
“Well, Doctor,” explains Willie Weary, “I get these dizzy spells every time I jerk off!”
meditation